agile journeys

...random thoughts on Coaching for Leaders & Teams

Month: May 2025

The Feedback Struggle Every Team Leader Faces

May 24, 2025 /
team leader feedback challenges coaching transformation
Photo by Kelly on Pexels.com

If you’re leading a team, then you’ve probably faced this silent pressure:

You’re expected to hit ambitious goals, support your people, stay emotionally available, and somehow… give feedback that changes behavior without damaging trust.

And while we talk a lot about feedback culture in leadership circles, here’s the raw truth:

Feedback isn’t just a soft skill. It’s an emotional skill.
And most team leaders were never taught how to do it well.

Let me walk you through the real feedback challenges I see in coaching sessions with team leads—from first-time managers to seasoned department heads. You’ll see yourself in these patterns. And more importantly, you’ll learn how to start shifting them with support, practice, and leadership coaching.

Why Feedback Feels So Hard For Team Leaders

Feedback is supposed to be a conversation about performance.
But what it often becomes is an emotional landmine.
Why? Because it brings up…

  • Fear of hurting someone
  • Fear of being misunderstood
  • Fear of not having the right words
  • Fear of appearing weak, wrong, or unfair
  • Fear of being challenged

Even worse? The longer you delay giving feedback, the more emotional charge it carries. What could have been a quick check-in becomes a major confrontation.

And when feedback isn’t happening regularly or effectively, what happens next?

📉 Engagement drops
📉 Misalignment increases
📉 Frustration builds
📉 Attrition rises
📉 Results suffer

Now let’s unpack the six most common patterns I’ve seen in 1-on-1 coaching sessions with team leads—and how they unknowingly sabotage their leadership.

The Six Feedback Personas Holding Leaders Back

The Avoider: “I’ll bring it up later…”

Meet Mike
Mike notices a developer slipping on deadlines but keeps postponing the conversation. Three months later, the issue explodes in a client escalation.

🧨 Avoidance doesn’t preserve peace. It delays conflict—until it becomes unmanageable.

Coaching Insight:
Avoiders benefit most from scripts, practice sessions, and accountability structures to address small issues early.

The Defender: “You don’t understand the full context…”

Meet Sarah
Sarah asks for feedback but panics if it’s not praise. Her boss says the project timelines are unrealistic—she instantly blames external factors.

🧨 Defending isn’t understanding. It’s self-protection disguised as communication.

Coaching Insight:
Defenders need to build emotional agility—learning to pause, listen, and ask clarifying questions before reacting.

The Overthinker: “What if I’m not cut out for this?”

Meet Jennifer
Her VP casually mentions conversion rates dropped 5%. Instead of responding with curiosity, she spends the weekend doubting her entire leadership path.

🧨 Overthinkers turn feedback into identity statements.

Coaching Insight:
Overthinkers thrive in coaching that focuses on mindset reprogramming, emotional regulation, and practical reframing tools.

The Softener: “Maybe we could… try a little more?”

Meet David
David gives feedback that’s too vague. He says, “Let’s be a bit more mindful of quality,” instead of “The last 3 reports had errors—here’s what to improve.”

🧨 Soft feedback sounds polite—but creates confusion and stalls performance.

Coaching Insight:
Softer leaders benefit from structured feedback models like SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) to learn how to be clear without being cruel.

The Assumption Maker: “I heard this happened…”

Meet Lisa
Lisa gives feedback based on secondhand stories. She confronts her PM about a client call gone wrong—without checking what actually happened.

🧨 Assumptions erode trust and morale.

Coaching Insight:
Assumption-makers gain confidence when they learn to investigate, validate, and lead with curiosity rather than reaction.

The People Pleaser: “I agree with everyone—but I’m exhausted.”

Meet Robert
In leadership meetings, Robert agrees to tough decisions. Behind the scenes, he complains about how those decisions hurt his team.

🧨 Pleasers trade short-term peace for long-term chaos.

Coaching Insight:
People pleasers grow fast in coaching once they realize advocacy isn’t confrontation—it’s leadership.

Here’s the Good News: These Patterns Are All Coachable

If you see yourself in any of these roles—it’s okay.
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.

Every single one of these patterns has shown up in brilliant, high-performing, emotionally intelligent leaders I coach.

The problem isn’t you.
The problem is you haven’t had a safe space to practice the emotional skill of feedback.

That’s where 1-on-1 coaching changes everything.

Why 1-on-1 Coaching Is the Missing Link in “Feedback Mastery“

Group workshops and webinars are great.
But they don’t give you:

✔ Personalized scenarios
✔ Private practice space
✔ Emotional pattern reflection
✔ Real-time feedback on your feedback
✔ Clarity around your leadership voice

With a coach, you can rehearse hard conversations.
You can unlearn defensive habits.
You can develop new scripts, templates, and rhythms that make feedback feel natural—not forced.

You can become the kind of leader your team actually wants feedback from.

What You’ll Learn in 1-on-1 Coaching for “Feedback Mastery“

Here’s what we’ll cover together in customized sessions:

✅ Your Default Feedback Triggers
Discover how you emotionally react to tension, correction, and confrontation.

✅ The 6 High-Trust Feedback Habits
From how you open a conversation to how you follow through.

✅ The Feedback Flow Model™
A proven sequence that helps you prepare, deliver, and debrief any feedback conversation with clarity and calm.

✅ Live Rehearsals + Feedback Refinement
Roleplay tough situations in a safe space. I’ll help you refine your tone, language, and posture.

✅ Receiving Feedback with Confidence
Build emotional resilience so you can listen fully—even when it stings.

✅ Create Weekly Feedback Rhythms
We’ll co-design a rhythm for giving and receiving feedback that feels organic and repeatable.

This Isn’t Just Leadership Development—It’s Leadership Liberation

When you know how to give feedback…

🌱 Trust grows
🔍 Performance improves
🧭 Decisions become clearer
🧠 Emotional labor becomes lighter
❤️ Your team feels seen, safe, and supported

And you, leader, feel equipped.

Let’s Talk 1-on-1

If this spoke to you—and you’re ready to become a more confident, emotionally-skilled communicator and feedback leader…

Let’ chat ! I offer coaching sessions. They are designed to help team leaders create high-performing teams. Feel free to Book a 30 minutes FREE Discovery session.

Still Thinking About It? Ask Yourself:

  • What feedback have I not said this week?
  • What feedback have I not received—because I haven’t made space for it?
  • Who on my team would thrive if I simply got better at this?

Then let’s get to work—together.

Let’ chat ! I offer coaching sessions. They are designed to help team leaders create high-performing teams. Feel free to Book a 30 minutes FREE Discovery session.

👉 Follow me for more insights and actionable team leadership tips and team building strategies!

You’re Just in the Middle of Everything

May 2, 2025 /
black hanging bridge surrounded by green forest trees
Photo by Kaique Rocha on Pexels.com

So you’ve just become a line manager.

You were probably good at your job. Maybe even great. Then suddenly, you were “promoted” to manage people—some of them in different time zones, with different personalities, and different priorities. On top of that, your senior leaders now expect you to deliver faster, smoother, and better. Sometimes, they don’t even tell you what “better” means.

If you feel like you’re constantly navigating conflict, confusion, and crossed wires, you’re not alone.

And you’re not failing.

You’re just… in the middle.
And the middle is hard.

You’re Now the Bridge

Being a new manager means you’re suddenly the bridge between people who don’t always understand each other.

One day, your team member in Bangalore tells you she’s overwhelmed with the current workload. The next day, your VP casually mentions, “Can we also add that new feature by next Friday?”

You feel stuck. Torn between protecting your team and not disappointing your sponsor.
You freeze, thinking: Is it even okay to push back? What do I say?

Here’s the truth no one tells you in your on-boarding: being a manager isn’t about having the answers. It’s about helping people understand each other better.

Don’t Translate Pressure — Translate Priorities

When you’re caught between conflicting demands, don’t just pass messages back and forth. Translate intent.

Try something like this:

“I hear that delivering this quickly is really important to the business. Here’s what our current capacity allows. Would you like us to ship a smaller version faster—or keep the scope and take a little more time?”

You’re not saying no. You’re showing them the path ahead.

That’s influence. That’s leadership.

Remote Teams Don’t Need More Meetings—They Need More Meaning

If you’re managing a distributed team, it can feel like everything has to be over Zoom or Slack. But more meetings don’t always mean more clarity.

Let’s say your developer in Berlin keeps missing the 9 AM stand-up. Your instinct might be to enforce attendance. But what they might really need is a rhythm that respects their time zone and energy.

What if, instead, your team posts async updates on Slack every Monday? You could then reserve your live time for real conversation. This includes decision-making, problem-solving, and emotional check-ins.

Don’t be afraid to ask your team what’s working and what’s not. It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom.

When Conflict Shows Up, Don’t Panic

Eventually, someone on your team will clash with someone else. It might be about code reviews, tone, ownership, or even who gets credit.

Your first instinct might be to fix it. But your real job is to coach them through it, not carry it on your back.

You can say something like:

“It sounds like there’s some tension here. Can we talk together about what’s going on? My role isn’t to take sides—I just want to help us all work better together.”

That moment might feel awkward. But it’s also the moment your team learns what kind of leader you are.

You’re Allowed to Push Back

Just because someone is more senior doesn’t mean they see the full picture. You do. That’s why you were put in this role.

When a sponsor asks for something unrealistic, breathe. You can respond with facts and kindness.

Try this:

“We’d love to deliver that, and I want to make sure we do it well. Based on current scope and bandwidth, we’d need to either reduce the feature set or extend the timeline. Which feels more important to you?”

You’re not being difficult. You’re being clear.

And clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

The Quiet Practice of Reflection

If all of this feels like a lot—it is.
Being a manager isn’t just about managing others. It’s about managing yourself.

Take time each week to pause and ask:

  • What felt hard this week?
  • What conversation am I avoiding?
  • What’s one thing I could say more clearly?
  • Where did I lead with curiosity, not control?

Growth doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from paying attention.

Final Word

If you’re a new manager, you’re probably tired. Maybe a little lonely. Maybe wondering, “Am I even good at this?”

Yes. You are.
You’re learning how to lead in a complex, messy, human world. And that’s brave.

Keep listening. Keep asking. Keep translating.
Because your calm presence, your clarity, your questions—that’s what your team will remember.

Let’ chat ! I offer coaching sessions. They are designed to help team leaders create high-performing teams. Feel free to Book a 30 minutes FREE Discovery session.

👉 Follow me for more insights and actionable team leadership tips and team building strategies!

© 2025 agile journeys

Theme by Anders Norén — Up ↑